In a parallel universe where pro-wrestlers apply their in-ring personas to the felt, do you think you’d stand a chance?
How Will Wrestling Superstars Fare if They Were Poker Studs
Much like the wacky and menacing professional poker players we see on TV, pro-wrestlers have some of the meanest, scariest, and kookiest characters this side of the ring. These colorful personalities paired with the seemingly over-the-top storylines are a perfect formula for men – and sometimes women – to indulge in their very own brand of soap opera-like drama. Basically, it’s like watching The Bold and the Beautiful or General Hospital, but with a hint of high-octane action and testosterone driven dialogue.
As fans, we all love to watch these sports entertainers do their thing inside the ring, and some of us wonder what they’re like away from the squared circle. What their hobbies are. Do they play video games? Do they play poker? If so, will we stand a chance against them? Based on their wrestling personas, we’ve compiled a list of superstars who we think will give us fits on the felt, and analyze their glaring traits that can one day land them a coveted World Series of Poker Main Event bracelet.
Glenn Thomas Jacobs – This Spanish-born wrestler has been around the circuit for more than 20 years now. Impressively, the “Big Red Machine” Kane has never lost his magic touch with fans, as he still is one of the most beloved superstars there is – especially during his Team Hell No partnership with Daniel Bryan. Now imagine going up against him in poker. You’d probably have a slim to no chance of reading his face behind the mask and deciding whether or not he’s bluffing you. His spine-tingling death glare and signature throat-slitting gesture not only induce fear into his wrestling opponents, it can also cause havoc on the felt.
April Jeannette Mendez – AJ Lee is a name that truly tickles the fancies of video game and comic book wrestling fans all over the universe. The former Raw General Manager and current WWE Divas Champion, is like the wrestling counterpart of Canadian martial artist and Partypoker.com sponsored player Kara Scott. They’re both smart and beautiful, plus they can both pack a punch. AJ Lee is a welcome addition to any poker table; as long as it doesn’t involve her former flings Daniel Bryan, John Cena, CM Punk, and Kane.
Randal Keith Orton – Coming from a rich heritage of legendary wrestling superstars, Randy Orton not only holds the distinction of being WWE’s resident “Apex Predator,” he is also a proven winner having won the coveted WWE title nine times. On the poker table, the current Money in the Bank briefcase winner can also pose huge problems to any opposition. Just when you think you’ve got him all figured out, the “Viper” can go from shaking your hand to hitting you with a huge RKO without breaking a sweat. But beyond the famous lineage and his cutthroat persona, there’s no denying that Randy Orton’s bad boy charm truly establishes his spot as a future Hall of Fame inductee.
Phillip Jack Brooks – Widely-known as the “Straight Edge” superstar during his fruitful tenure in the independent wrestling scene, CM Punk has made a name for himself on the biggest stage of the WWE. Whether he’s a clean-cut face (good guy), or a sly heel (bad guy), Punk has always risen to the occasion to give the wrestling universe the best entertainment possible. The proud Chicago-native easily manipulates his opponents with mind games and sharp words that make them cringe with disgust; qualities which are similar to a villainous felt table fiend like Mike “The Mouth” Matusow.